You don't have asthma, your pregnant
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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