my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
