Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
