Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
