Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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