just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
