he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
