she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
