I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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