Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
