this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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