Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
