Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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