I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Did I show you my penis last night?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
