OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
