I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
