Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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