I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
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