The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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