Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
