I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
