did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
