I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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