rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I understand Curling. That high.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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