I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
we made out on top of his cat.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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