Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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