ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
