you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
