You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
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