sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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