Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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