Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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