I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
