One girl and one boy is just not enough.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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