I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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