WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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