Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
