i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
