Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
