I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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