The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
