did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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