I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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