i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just found puke in my bra..
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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