Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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