dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Dignity is for republicans.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
