My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
