Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
