I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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