friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
