We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I showed him my bush... on skype.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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