if you like me you must not know who I am
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
