Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
