i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
